Wednesday, April 16, 2008

living will. lol.

to clarify-
Matt is getting my camera with its separate lenses and case and tripod that my siblings broke.and my apple bottom jeans, the vaccuum cleaner and my pillow which smells like pantene pro v and the excess pantene pro v that is in my shower right now. also matt will recieve my pink razor cell phone, clue and the game of life, my betty boop doll that was given to me by my moms cousin- the tag on her says something about her being americas sex symbol, some of my framed photography, my knitting stuff-which includes the half knitted scarf that has 82 thousand holes in it--but scarves are better that way, and finally that car protection thing that has a rape alarm and a whistle and a flashlight and a blinking light and a window breaker and a screwdriver and a seatbelt cutter--who knows what it doesn't have.

Ethan is getting my laptop and all of my shoes, these include my $120 dollar pair of adidas', my stillettos, my pumps, my pumas, my hooker boots, and my famous pink shoes,and my chicken slippers, my other pair of adidas'-not to be confused with the $120 dollar pair, my sandles- the puma pair and the two pairs with the heels, my hand lotion, my monkey named sebastian- for hugs, my social secuity number and my ipod (because fauxpods suck),

Dan is getting my clothes, all of them, anita, and my school work so that he can finish the semester for me, and the Famous McCarty Hat that i cherish with all my heart, also my mat kearney cd, and the happy mug, the passwords to every account i ever had and THE NOTEBOOK, which contains all of my poetry that i've ever written in it, violet my stuffed cat and my baby blanket, the hello kitty pez container, and my ihome.

Abby is getting all my purses, my chutes and ladders game, the jane austen book, my bedspread and my bedroom, my photographs will go to abby so that she can cherish the memories of us, my sensual amber perfume, my michigan application, my earrings, my poetry books, my cds other than mat kearney, my laundry basket, my deoderant, my husband-(i've seen how you look at him),my carpet, my newly painted walls, the zorro poster, my american girl dolls, my backpack, the bed, the nightstand, the clock radio, the show your card and save sign, my superman poster, my spiderman poster, my curtains, my gold medal from tae kwon do, my high lighters all of them including the blue one, my retainers, my paintings and my painting supplies and whatever remains in my bedroom.

just to remind you i want to be buried old style in my burning car while it is pushed into the river by the four of you.


Just to clarify this is a joke and will not hold up in a court of law, so if i do die do not try and get this stuff from my parents. it has not been witness or signed and to repeat myself for the 87th time (man i love the number 8) it will NOT HOLD UP IN A COURT OF LAW!!!!!

The blue book

One of the biggest mistakes I've ever made was not saying good-bye. Most people would say a mistake was something you've done wrong. My mistake was something I didn't do. My mistake started on a beautiful spring day, it was so full of life. My uncle was over, but that was nothing new, he was always over. I sat on my bed that day as my uncle took my parents for a ride in his new lease. I was very caught up in the latest of my book crazes, Sherlock Holmes, by Sir Arthur Canon Doyle. My mom and dad got back and shortly after that my uncle left. When I arrived downstairs he had already gone. Two days later my family recieved the most awful phone call. It was about 9 in the morning. We were on our way out the door, it was raining. I had never seen my dad cry before, and I haven't since the funeral. It was the most awful thing I've ever seen. It made me want to die seeing my dad so helpless. I'll never forget the look on his face. It has remained a part of me since that day.

This mistake has affected me ever since. I have always wished that I would have said good-bye to him. For a long time I cried myself to sleep. And at one point I blamed myself for his death, thinking I could have somehow saved him. I badly needed this thing in my life, I called it closure and labeled it: never leaving someone you love when you are mad, always saying goodbye to them, and knowing that they love you. I was afraid for a long time to leave my house with the fear that while I was gone someone in my family would die. I became very obsessive about saying good-bye to people, to the point that I would cry if I didn't get to. I have never finished the book I was reading and I never will. It has affected many areas of my life, some beyond what anyone but God can repair.

Mostly, by realising that I had no life, I decided that most of it had to stop. I couldn't always be with my family and they didn't always want to be with me. I couldn't cry everytime someone walked out the door without saying good-bye to me. It hasn't all gone though, I still cry a lot when I think about him. I still freeze up when I see that look on my dad's face when he found out. It still haunts me as I go through my daily life with the feeling that something is missing.

The reason I tell this story is because I think it is important to show your love for people and let them know that you care about them. I think people shouldn’t stay mad at others and should resolve their issues by the end of the day. Life is way too short to stay mad at people, it is too short to not say you’re sorry for things you’ve done wrong. We should all learn from the things we’ve done wrong, but not let them stop us from living.